


Falling from Grace

by lividcolors



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Sort of? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 13:49:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6909904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lividcolors/pseuds/lividcolors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has started hearing voices in his head and seeing things he's never actually seen with his own eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling from Grace

**Author's Note:**

> AU where Anael asks Castiel to go with her when she falls and he agrees. I will probably be continuing this eventually.

There are waves crashing, pounding, pulling, and Castiel can feel them all. He can feel the ocean and it's violent movements, he can feel fire and it's warmth, burning and consuming, he can feel the wind and it's silent destruction, the Earth and her constant movement. He can feel the stars, pulling, pushing, splitting, joining, and exploding and then pulling themselves back together. He can feel the breaths of a thousand creatures, all living and loving and hating and  _feeling_. He can feel the universe, can feel it's energy, twisting and turning, moving and  _living_ and he always has.

     There are millions and millions of creatures on this one world alone and Castiel knows them  _all_. He knows their breathes and their heartbeats, every movement of every living creature, and he can feel them all, and has felt them all for millenia and more. He can feel their kindness and compassion, anger and spite, jealousy and pride, love and hate. He can feel it all.

      Only he can't actually feel any of it. He can feel it all, in a distant way, but he can't ever  _truly_ feel it. He feels no love or hate, no jealousy or pride, lust or greed or anything else. He only ever feels echos, shadows of things that have already been experienced. 

     He can feel their heartbeats and their breaths, but he never feels  _his_ heartbeat or breath. He feels their kindness and their love, he feels their hate and jealousy, but he's never known his own. He can feel every single thing they feel and more, but he can't  _really_ feel anything.

     And so Castiel falls.

     It is dangerous and terrifying, he hasn't thought any of it through at all, but Anael offers, says that they can fall, can have what every other creature can have, and Castiel accepts. It's a surprise, to both him and Anael. He has always been obedient, has never strayed from his Father's path or doubted. He has always been a good warrior, fighting with all of Heaven behind him and he was one of Heaven's best strategist. But Anael offers and Castiel accepts. 

     And so they fall. 

* * *

 

Two children, twins, are born to a barren mother. She names them Anael and Castiel, ignoring her husband's protest and without really knowing why. She loves them, before they have even been born she loves them and knows with complete surety that she will until her last breath. They are her miracles.

* * *

 

They grow up happy and well loved.

     Both thrive in school. Anael, or Anna, as she now prefers, falls in love with writing. She makes friends quickly and easily, and people seem to just naturally flock around her. She becomes captain of the school newspaper her second year of high school, and, when she goes to college, she becomes captain of the college's biggest newspaper. She has not a few boyfriends and not a few loves, she keeps and loses her friends, and when she publishes her first article, just a small thing about pennies, no one is surprised to see she made it.

      Castiel does well, too. He learns from an early age that he prefers solitude to the constant babel of other students and, though he does have friends,  he spends most of his time either alone or in the company of his family. He does not fall in love with any subject, he finds them all to be a bit boring in fact, but as time goes on, he slowly learns to appreciate history. He doesn't do as well in school as Anna does, he messes around in between classes and nearly gets suspended for smoking marijuana once, but in the end, he goes to college and gets his bachelor's degree in history, and when he gets his first job as a teacher, no one is surprised then either. 

     They get to grow up, and they are happy.

* * *

 

It is only a year after they graduate when their father dies. He has a heart attack, sudden and unexpected, and he is gone before the ambulance even arrives. They all mourn and grieve, and Castiel temporarily moves back into the house he grew up in to help his mother, despite her protests. Eventually, things get better. 

     But at the end of the day, they all know that things will never be the same.

* * *

 

They are twenty eight when Castiel first begins drawing. He has moved back into his own house and has resumed his job teaching history to highschoolers, and he begins drawing every chance he gets. At first, they're just doodles, odd little pictures of things he's never known, like a strange necklace or a pair of wings. But then they get larger and more complicated.

     Castiel begins drawing and drawing, and tries to ignore the fact that lately he's been hearing things, things and voices in his head that  _should not_ be there. Castiel draws and draws, big black cars that he's never seen, and guns that he's never held, and eyes that he's never known. He draws  _things_ , things made of yellow and red and green and blue and purple and every other color he can get his hands on. 

      Castiel draws and starts forgetting to call his mother or Anna. He draws and starts forgetting to go to work. Castiel draws and starts forgetting to do anything at all besides trying to reconstruct the things he sees in his head. 

 

 


End file.
